An Introduction

Hello to all of you voyeuristic Internet schmucks.

Thanks for dropping by my blog to see what the hell kind of trouble someone else is up to in some random part of the world, and who gives enough of a shit to write about it. I'm a little raw when it comes to blogging, pretty seasoned at writing, and well overdone on dysfunction - so, I like to think of it as a developing triple threat.

A Most Handsome Disaster: My Life As a Total Mess. I figure it's ambiguous enough for me to retain some kind of anonymity (outside of telling only certain people I know about it and posting it everywhere) and alluring enough to peak people's curiosity. Plus, it allows me to divulge certain stories I might otherwise have no interest in sharing. I swear, though, if anyone tries to rob this title from my hands, I'll have an intellectual property suit up your ass so fast you won't remember how to shit. Vulgar, I know. But, a reasonable threat certainly worth remembering. :)

So, in beginning this venture on a real blog website, a handful of rather interesting thoughts have bubbled up to the surface about blogging and why I've, once again, revved up the engine to write.

First off, gone are the days of blogging on MySpace. I canceled my account last night. The end of an era. MySpace kind of sucks now, anyway. My blogging days there were a great start, but I'm much more interested in taking this seriously. Well, as seriously as anyone giving enough of a fuck about my life can be.

Like many people, I've always wanted to publish a book. I have a great idea for a few, with fodder overflowing for topics, I just don't have the platform yet to become the next David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs. My Life as a Total Mess is no false advertising...this is the good stuff, this is the stuff [good] movies are made from. I think this may be the way to get the ball rolling - need to start somewhere.

The blogging thing, when taken as seriously as it can be, will attempt to make better use of my time. I have failed at many things from relationships to friendships, thrown the towel in on classes and careers, and am left in need of something to take me away from the wasted hours spent drooling and entranced by the wide world of Internet fucking. To put it frankly, I need a little bit of direction and my dick needs a little rest and relaxation.

Writing has always been something I've been decent at doing so I figure, what the hell. Maybe someone will stumble upon my shoddy excuse of a life and average writing style with some worthwhile advice to pass along to me, or have taken a keen interest in helping to develop my writing further, or have completely ignored my reasonable threat above and attempt rip me off and steal all my stories...at his own risk.

I suppose it can go without say, though naturally I'll say it anyway, that all this wasted "free" time is also due in part to the fact that I'm pretty much broke. I do the paycheck to paycheck thing in one of the most expensive cities to live in. It's cool, it works for now, I'm saving for retirement, and I own up to the fact that I have an embarrassingly limited social calendar. This will give me a chance to do something besides that other wasting time thing I mentioned. (Find on this page: "Internet fucking" for reference.)

Plus, I figure it's way more fun to write about an expensive city that I can only look at through windows most of the time. True objectivity in writing. Sure, there's lots of free things going on out here, but being the silent observer, subtly taking notes, and shamelessly exploiting my overdeveloped sense of self-importance and obsessive compulsion can be so much more entertaining for everyone...and it won't cost me a penny!

So there you have it. I'm a broke and neurotic, twenty-something, New York disaster here to help you piss away your time in front of the computer by entertaining you at my own, personal, 'expense'.


Enjoy!